i thought this was funny :)

woooo when will i have something longer then a paragraph?

meh another sinus infection. story of my life. Something not so familiar- falling for this boy. hard. Call me cheesy, but I could stare into his eyes and listen to his steady heart beat all damn day every day.
-Chicago trip I was hoping to plan with Kellie this summer probably won't happen :(. However, some of the best events that take place can be unplanned and last minute...and I'm hoping this summer will be full of it.First cedar point trip of the year is coming up very soon :)

:) I'm OK

Everytime I see him...

suddenly everything is okay.

so begins the summer

     Life never pans out how we would like it to, or how we would expect it to.
No matter what we plan for ourselves, things always get in the way, or something happens and the course of our lives takes a turn.
     I'm reconsidering basically everything right now. I'm discouraged and so close to giving up on this photography dream. Even if i do succeed with it, I feel like getting paid to do it would take away the love. I just want to do it for the pure love and enjoyment of it. I don't know what I'm really doing anymore....Nor do I even care....as long as I can live the unplanned life happily with someone else.
I think I'm just sick and tired of school. I have about 2 semesters left at OCC, my grades were absolutely TERRIBLE this semester...and I just want to quit. But i can't....that's not the way I was taught.
Ever miss being say, oh, 8 years old? Well, not even miss it-but just remember the insignificance of our problems at the time. I think my biggest worry was probably the boy who pushed me over on the bus and having to see him the next day. Now my worries consist of bills, school, work, making sure my car runs okay (which for a while now, i haven't checked the oil and I know its pretty much empty), grades, friends, bad habits to break, weight,  and whether or not I will EVER sell a stupid photograph. The list goes on and on.
       I don't even know. I just want to enjoy this summer. I was hoping that being done with school would result in a little less stress...but it hasn't gotten to that point....anywhere near to it actually. I don't know what it is I'm feeling...mostly fear, I think. Fear that I won't end up doing anything with my life....Fear that I won't get the approval of my parents, fear of being hurt, fear of falling in love.
 But my mother has always taught me that we can't live our lives in fear. She (and many others) have always said that fear is a sin. So I'm not going to let it consume me....I will let everything good this summer consume me and fill me to the brim-until my cup spills over....


 I don't mean to sound like a depressed, whiny little girl. I'm really not. I have amazing friends who are supportive toward me no matter what. I could trust them with my life. I have an amazing boyfriend who steals a piece of my heart everyday. No joke. I pray that I'm led toward the life I'm supposed to lead-I hope I'm headed in the right direction





\

picturrreees

  
i love warm weather. I can't wait for more. and seriously....staring at the calendar waiting for may 3rd. 

The last shot was from the "living statue/doll" series I did-you can find tons more on my facebook-or my flickr :)

can't wrap my head around it

wow am i ever busy...
and i'm slacking...hardcore. I have had no motivation what so ever to go to any of my classes...and I'm beginning to hate myself for it! alas, i only have until the third....so somehow I have to make up for lost time and at least try and pass my classes :-\.
I decided for my final photo projects to do a "living doll/statue" series...which has turned out pretty cool. Went to the studio for the majority of it..and did a few outdoor shots with Kellie. I have plenty of awesome shots on digital...i just have to go in tomorrow and develop film-and hopefully I'll have something to choose from for that...7 photos for digital and 4 for color...and I'm going to attempt to print 11x20-assuming I can actually afford to buy the paper (BROKE AS A JOKE).
good news- I may potentially have a boyfriend as of this Saturday :) -and I'll be staying at my job for the time being..the budgets came in and our theater still has a supervisor-so no transferring anytime soon for me! :)

this summer: NO CLASSES. I'm going to enjoy it fully...turning 21...camping...and hopefully a trip to Chicago!

warm weather :)

bright side

Chaos. The one word I tend to use to describe my life at this point in time-is chaos. I find myself exhausted everyday. Drained. Stressed.
I'm not out to compete with anyone....I'm just trying to survive.
I find myself often looking at the negatives of everything....but shouldn't the positives outweigh them?
So I'm going to list out a few positives -and just little things in my life that mean a lot-so I can remind myself to stop whining so much!

1. A supportive family-and a mother I can talk to about almost anything
2. Job Promotion-yeah it's only a $.50 raise- and yes, I could end up transferred...But it could be a good thing to get out and meet new people and experience working at a different building. Plus, I'm learning something new
3. I'm not doing horrible in school-the stress and chaos will eventually pay off-especially knowing that I only have a semester and a half left.
4. Newly restored faith. I was off track-I'm not completely back on track-but I think I'm getting there!
5. My ipod that holds lots and lots of music.
6. My electric blanket
7. An amazing best friend-The girl who has been by my side through everything-boring classes, the OCD professor who wont stop taking off/putting on her glasses-and my photo partner :)-who seems happier then she's been in a while...and I couldn't be happier for her-she deserves the best and I want to see things with her and Matt work out.
8. A restored relationship with my sister. She has shut out everyone for the past 3 years...I finally feel like we're starting to get along again.
9. Despite how hideous it is, a working car that my parents so lovingly have supplied for me-so I have a way to get to Royal Oak for school and everywhere else I need to go.
10. Hope
11. Prayer
12. Laughter
13. An adorable cocker spaniel that comes running to my side as soon as he hears my key in the door
14. The fact that I know I will never, ever, ever give up-on my career, on finding love, and eventually building a family-even if it takes me until I'm 50.
15. Finally a working computer, and Adobe CS4- making school easier to survive, and giving me time to work on things at home rather than in the lab.
16. Someone who always wants to talk to me, and who I'm learning-isn't is as annoying in person as they are via text
17. The long drive to and from Royal Oak. Yeah, I hate driving-but it's the perfect time to crank up the radio and blow off some steam.
18. Aloe socks. because my toes are cold.
19. Knowing that eventually winter will become spring. Can't wait.
20. Life.

promotion

Well, it's official.
I'm the new supervisor for Amc Rochester Hills 10 :).

I'll be starting training sometime next week, and learning all the drills and all that jazz....and I'll still be working all my regular projection shifts. And I get the fun manager uniform. So I'm excited....I think...
The downside-They may or may not transfer me sometime in the future :-\

School is killing me. seriously-going insane.
and I've said this a few times now-but this digital photo assignment is royally pissing me off. We have to retouch a portrait-and make one "reality" and one "fantasy." AKA-make them look like barbie dolls and super models. I'm having the hardest time-I don't really have any studio shots of people I don't know-I just feel....morbid making my friends/family looking like barbies and having to turn in a before and after.
When you have the after, all of a sudden the before makes them look like godzilla. I HATE, hate, hate, hate, hate it.

wonderful world of photoshop

my life is hectic right now. and lonely....very lonely. Not in the "I don't have any friends way"...I'm always surrounded by friends and family..But there's always that thought in the back of my mind...that fear....I want to find that "special someone"....but as time goes on-and the more I hear...the more I'm willing to wait.
A close friend of mine was sexually molested, and I can't say who/where...I wanted to chop everything he had off with a pair of garden shears when I heard....really guys, is it THAT hard to keep it in your pants?

I feel like I'm married to work and school-I barely have time for anything else. I got lucky enough this past saturday to go out with a big group of people to Tonic for Jenny's birthday...I hated myself afterward for staying out so late because i only ended up getting 3/4 hours of sleep before work....but it was worth it.

Once again, I'm feeling severely disappointed in myself this semester. I know I'm capable of sooo much more in my work...and I always promise myself that I'll try harder....but it's almost impossible to put 100% into everything since I've been so insanely busy.

and below is my "joiner" picture for advanced digital. it kind of sucks and i threw it together in an hour...soooo don't really care.
This whole cross-processing thing in advanced color is turning out to be way more complicated then I ever thought it was...I spend 2 hours on ONE picture trying to color correct it...-10magenta..nope...10 more...another 10....5cyan. UGH. it took forever and I ended up hating the picture anyway.

My American Art History class is almost unbearable. I love the subject and all-but sometimes I wonder how the instructor actually got her job....I spend more time distracted by the ridiculous things she says/does then learning...the majority of it I learned in Art Appreciation/photo history anyway.
Top Quotes/misspellings:
Penguins make nests on top of really tall pillars
Tornadoes form over water
Heroric
really.....REALLY?1?!?! I wonder if I'm the only one noticing these things!!!


The highlight of my weekend was discovering "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog" it's awesome..I'd heard about it forever ago but never watched any of it-but go ahead, watch it...I dare you! this is act 1-there's a total of 3! :)







I must finish my blog now, for I have a migraine, LOST is on in a minute, andddd i'm working a double tomorrow. I HATE WEDNESDAYS!

ehhhhhh sick day!!

So I went for a walk yesterday with my camera and ipod...
Yesterday was just an off day....First off, after the walk into the woods and shooting for about a half hour-I realized my memory card wasn't in my camera...so after my journey home and back...I finally got to shoot...
It was probably my first outdoor shoot since November-maybe earlier. I spent the majority of last semester in the studio. I spent most of the time I was outside sliding down mounds of snow...and my knee is acting up again. I really don't want a repeat of my knee issue. Photo shoots when you can barely walk are NOT fun.
So I feel like yesterday was just a total fail...I wanted to try something new-so I bracketed each of my shots so I could try out "HDR"...I am really dissatisfied with the pictures I got yesterday...But that's what I get for never shooting outside these days...I hate shooting in the winter...I'm just not fond of the cold-so it puts me in more of a hurry to just get what I need and leave....
But anyway-here's some of the...ok pictures i got..


breeze by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


factory by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


beyond the woods by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


bridge by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


winter river by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


leaf by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


a spot of color by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


Frigid Air by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


open water by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


hint of green by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


berries by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


the tracks left behind by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


down the river by ~oceanblueice68 on deviantART


If there is anyone out there that reads this and knows this blog exists, feedback-whether negative or positive/love it or hate it-always appreciated!

Sadly, my lack of sleep is catching up with me..I have spent all day in bed...doing nothing useful in any way shape or form- with a sore throat feeling congested and achy and it just sucks
but I have my beautiful dr pepper, pjs, and lots of pillows to keep me company since I've barely received ANY calls or texts today.

late night boredom SO IM WRITING

Ok so I thought I'd put my view of the film The Lovely Bones out there since I have now seen it twice and have long awaited the arrival of this movie
but be warned, there are spoilers!

I read the book over the summer and was drawn in by the take Alice Sebold had on the murder of a child, and the devastation that it causes the family, along with the process of recovery that the family must endure.

With any book that gets turned into a film, I didn't go in expecting it to follow the book exactly, because it always leads to disappointment.
A few things were left out of the book, like the affair that Suzy's mother had when she left the house...and when the family dog came into the house with Suzy's elbow.

Unlike the book, the murder wasn't explained right away in the movie. At first-the viewer is led into thinking that Suzy was able to escape from Mr. Harvey-it was confusing for a moment-but quickly explained when her father was unable to see her when she screamed for him.

There were only a couple things that I wish remained in the movie, such as the memorial that the entire school attended-instead, her father lit a candle in the window every night for his daughter.
I also think that the time frame could have better been explained. The course of the book takes place all throughout high school graduation and college. Suzy's sister gets married and has a child..The movie does very little to explain the time frame, and in no way is explained that they are out of school, and that her sister is married.

So it wasn't the greatest movie ever, but I do think that it deserves a little credit, and it's probably going to be on my list of favorites.

The cinematography in the film was FANTASTIC, which is probably why I enjoyed it so much. Despite the fact that most of it was green screen; the saturation, contrast and detail that all go into Suzy's heaven was incredible and visually pleasing. I enjoyed the connections that were between the "in-between" and Earth, and the way that Suzy was still able to reach out to her family in some small way.
I also liked the way that every time Suzy became upset, the scenery in her new, temporary home changed.

Foreshadowing could be found throughout the entire film. It isn't really noticeable the first time seeing it, but near the beginning of the movie, her murderer can be seen watching her every move while they were in the mall. When I noticed it, I got the chills. There were hints all throughout Suzy's new world that all lead up to the end of the film, and the many other murder victims throughout Mr. Harvey's past.
Everything is relevant and I loved the use of the recorder shaped tree, the rainbow ball, and the hat floating through the air-which is explained near the end.
Mr. Harvey's death is easily foreshadowed throughout the movie with the occasional icicle in the Heaven melting.

Oh, and if you look closely-Peter Jackson is in the movie during a mall scene!


OK...and congrats if you actually sat through and read all of my sad, pathetic ranting and raving-because I probably wouldn't have. You get a cookie! Good job!

and here's something totally irrelevant! However-this was by far the best episode of How I Met Your Mother EVER!!!
(this video is backwards btw. it bothers me. but ignore it...if you're still reading this, you get milk with your cookie)

unanswered questions

I've been thinking a lot about whether or not there is really a point in me having a blog.
I've been on livejournal since middle school-while for many years i used to write regularly and update....and the past year or two things have just faded away.
    I've asked myself if I've really got anything interesting to share-something that people will actually want to read...and the answer...probably not.
My life doesn't really stand out from any of the billions of bloggers out there...
What am I even supposed to say?
I wake up every morning and curse my alarm clock...shower, brush my teeth-stare in the mirror at my exhausted face-usually just throwing my hair up without a true care in the world about my appearance, and then get ready to face the day...I usually open up my laptop and check facebook, yahoo, flickr, livejournal, twitter, and all the other millions of sites that people connect with. I find my way downstairs, greet the dog, and head to the kitchen and groggily make myself a cup of coffee with lots of cream and sugar. I usually open the fridge door and stand in front of it gazing inside for about 30 seconds until I open the freezer and do the same...even with a fridge full of food, there is absolutely nothing to eat. I usually settle on a bowl of cereal. Special K to be exact.
     I  put on my coat and head into the bitter Michigan weather. Sometimes I'm lucky and I have the long drive to Royal Oak for class. It gives me time alone to think life over...to try and think about where I'm headed, and what I'm going to do when I'm done at CC. Or maybe I just put my ipod on full blast and just enjoy the drive. I sit through my photo classes and absorb every single word coming out the mouth of Rob Kangas...who is in my opinion, a photography genius....I've learned more then I could ever imagine thanks to his many years of experience. He believes in everything being genuine...The photography should be edited in the darkroom, and untouched in photoshop. I love photoshop as much as the next person...But film holds a special place in my heart over digital.
     Other days I head to work, munch on artery clogging popcorn, and listen to the humming and clanking of the gears and wheels  from each projector-some of the most soothing sounds in my life-Occasionally I peak through the windows into each theater-a view into an entirely different world
    Of course there's the days I'm able to catch a movie, or maybe go see a concert...Or perhaps just grab a coffee from Starbucks and sit at Barnes and Noble looking through photo books and magazines.

The day ends in almost reverse order of how it starts. I walk in the door, say hello to the dog...stare in the fridge and find absolutely nothing....walk up the stairs and into my room-throw on some pajamas...brush my teeth-stare in the mirror ask myself who I am and where I'm headed.

So I don't see how I have anything significant to share-and yet I can drone on about my daily life on the internet and wonder if anyone really will ever read it, or care. So this time around-it's for me. My mind has been on such a rampage lately. I ask myself questions everyday that I just never seem able to answer...and maybe this will help....perhaps I'll find the answer to "what the heck am i doing?!?!?!"

HD vision????

why would they make a claim that you can see "HD"???? seriously the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. This isn't TV people...life is not a blue ray disc! it doesn't get any better then what you're already seeing in real life!!
not that i've tested them out myself-because
1. they are hideous
2. it's a waste of money
-but if anything-they block out certain things you could be seeing.
I think they should be called "I'm an idiot and think life's a hd movie because i watched an infomerical so it must be for real glasses"

nevermind

i never would have guessed....
not having a car this over this winter break..
I've realized that 99% of the few friends i do have-have no interest in hanging out with me or seeing me unless they can use me for my car and money....
although I am now at the point where i can't really count more then 2 or 3 friends...
"wanna do something?"
"sure but i don't have my car"
"oh.....nevermind"

what a confidence booster....
this break SUCKED....who would have known that waiting for my car to get fixed for two weeks could put such a damper on my time off..
not that all of my friends suck...I was still able to go out and have some fun....
....there's something inside of me saying i should just....talk to this kid and give him another shot...but most of me is shouting NO

anywho...not having the freedom to take off whenever has led me to entertaining myself with youtube videos...
this being one of them....

i'll see you both again someday

feel free to ignore this...just kind of a free write


I miss you.
I hope you're happy and doing fine.
I can't seem to keep you out of my mind
I know you're with Elizabeth as you were exactly 11 years ago.
but tomorrow your world would come crashing down-
if only we had known.
I still hear the echo of my father's words
and that she's with the Lord now.
My eye's met my sister's as we sat in disbelief.
I remember the car ride in the back of my daddy's pickup truck
and mama squeezing my hand while the salty tears streamed down her face.
i remember the black suits, the black dresses, and the black car that pulled her away.
I remember the cold, dark hole
and realizing it wasn't all a dream.

But you made it through, and found happiness
and eventually love once again
And when our world came crashing down at home,
it was to your house we went.
You helped us through everything
I remember your ridiculous jokes.
i remember your fuzzy mustache on my forehead every time you bent down to kiss me.
It was you that brought the hands of so many toward me to pray,
and never before or since then have i ever felt so much support.

I remember the horrible announcement,
and hearing about all of the procedures you'd soon endure.
The word "cancer" was suddenly a reality
and slowly things fell apart.
You remained optimistic
even when the doctors said "6 months"

You told me you loved me,
that i was beautiful,
and that God had plans for my life and that he will do amazing things through me.
I held your hand and bent down
so you could kiss my forehead once again.
I could feel it in my heart
I knew it was goodbye.

it's going on a year since I last saw you and
I still feel you.
I know you're around
and I hear you through the family's laughs
and the corny jokes that will live forever.

Frozen in Time

by far my favorite song right now (needless to say my favorite song probably changes once a week)

I just love the title...preserving life's memories, beauties, stories in photographs. Photography is more then just taking pictures for me....while some may not consider it an art form-I just consider it to be my form of expression...i like to capture what God has already put out for us...and I freeze that moment in time.

a survey to start off the blog WOO

Say something to someone without saying names?
you won't control me

Have you seen New Moon yet?
indeed

Whats the last movie you saw in theaters and with who?
i just watched daybreakers with coworkers

Have you kissed someone in the past 12 days?
no

Your parents are out of town for the weekend. Do you throw a party?
i usually only have 1 or 2 friends over

Whats one thing that really pisses you off?
when people say they have bad hearing when they really just don't listen

Are you a jealous person?
depends on the situation...usually no

Are you wearing socks right now? What do they look like?
nope!

What was the last thing you had to drink?
dr pepper

Last food you ate?
a roll

Do you miss anyone?
not really

Is there anyone you want to come see you?
im content alone right now.

Would you ever consider piercing your lip?
well i did that at work once when i threw something at my face

Did you eat a cookie today?
i did! and while i was eating it, i found a dead mouse!

Do you hate being the first person to start a conversation?
i dont really care

Do you like cotton candy?
in small portions

What color shirt were you wearing during your last kiss?
i have no clue

Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with?
probably kellie

Are your eyes the same color as your Mom's or Dad's?
both

New phone or new computer?
phone

Do you tend to make things complicated?
id prefer simple but they often become complicated

What did you do last night?
walked around and sat at brian's

Do you trust people easily?
yeah

What song do you have stuck in your head?
the one i'm listening to!

Last person you told a secret to?
not so much a secret...i should have kept it though because i was humiliated

How has the past week been for you?
kind of a downer. i've been without a car and i've realized how many people just use me for my car...and how pathetically helpless i become without it

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
a few

What's on your mind right now?
school

Is there a person of the same sex who means a lot to you?
yes

Who do you go to for advice the most?
my mom

What is your current mood?
lost

Name something you have to do tomorrow?
work.

Will this week be a good one?
its almost over!

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy?
all the opposite

Ever told your best friend a secret?
of course

How have you felt today?
alone.


What are you wearing on your feet?
blankets

Last person you hugged?
brian maybe...i cant remember :(

Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
didnt i already answer this?

Do you like your name?
i do indeed

Whens the last time you held someones hand?
i have no clue...

Last time you were disappointed?
christmas day

Is your bedroom window open?
no way

What were you doing at 10:00am?
sleeping.

Would you rather be cheated with or on?
neither.

What do you hear right now?
phoenix

First song you listened to today?
not sure

What color is your cell phone?
black

Are you currently waiting for a phone call? From who?
not really.

Where is the last person you kissed?
idk dont care

Did you wear a jacket today?
yes.

Does your best friend have a boyfriend?
when doesn't she. i'm the single girl

Ever laughed so hard you cried?
almost every day